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What to Expect Your First Time at a Frat House

September 10th, 2017

Unless you’re BFFs with a frat brother, it’s a safe bet that you’ve never stepped foot into the ultimate man cave, The Frat House. These mansions are unlike anything you’ve ever seen before. On the outside they look so well constructed and pristine, but on the inside not so much. I don’t know what you’ve heard about frat houses, but I’m here to tell you the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth… Hold on cause it ain’t pretty….

  1. Cheap Liquor- enough to float a battleship around

One thing frats clearly don’t splurge on is alcohol. You can expect not a nice cold beer, but a refreshing room temperature Natural Light beer or Skol vodka.  Skol really isn’t that bad, the generic fruit punch mixer covers the rubbing alcohol taste! Don’t even ask for shots because someone will either hand you straight Skol, which is deadly, or Skol mixed with flat soda.

  1. Girls- the good, the bad and the ugly

Swoops, friends, girlfriends and groupies, you can find all of these girls at a frat house. You’ll see them marching through the courtyard. An army of clones, they’re all wearing the same wearing uniform, disco shorts and onesies.

  1. Beer Pong- played continuously

Boys are SO competitive, with this being said you can expect to find them playing beer pong. All.The.Time. I’ve seen tables get flipped and friendships get destroyed, all over beer pong. Clearly, bets aren’t the only thing that is lost…

  1. Frat pups- a friendly face

The best part about frat houses is there is always at least one dog running around, one that is used to drunk people staggering about and is practically an expert at dodging getting stepped on.  Seeing a dog around the frat house is very comforting and the perfect homey touch. These dogs are all usually really friendly and make great props for pictures.

  1. Broken Doors- found throughout the house

When frat boys get a few shots of Skol in them, they start getting wild. By wild I mean putting on a football helmet and ramming through their bedroom door at full speed. I don’t understand why this happens so often but I get it on Snapchat every time.

  1. Half Alive Food- beware

Besides the bathrooms at frat houses, this is the most disgusting thing you will come across. There are always bags of fast food or pizza boxes piled up. I made the mistake of opening one of the pizza boxes once and I’m scarred for life. Don’t be like me, don’t touch the half alive food, don’t even look at it, or you will regret it!

  1. Car Line- the new “walk of shame”

At 8a.m., the frat house is like a club with the lights on but no drinks being served. You’ve got girls walking around in last night’s clothes, holding their heels and their make-up is smeared half off their face. With all these “overnight guests” scurrying out of the house, like rats leaving a sinking ship, this is a site to behold. This means their BFF is waiting out front to pick them up. I like to call this the car line, like in elementary school where you would wait for your mom to pick you up after school. The parking lot is backed up and filled with world’s best friend who is there to pick you up.

  1. Miscellaneous Object- don’t ask

I’ve never seen so many random unexplainable things in one place than at a frat house. One time I went to my favorite frat for an after party and this guy was walking around in a hot dog costume. Where does one even get a hot dog costume? Couches on top of the roof, why/ how?

  1. Music- blasting non stop

There’s continuous groovy tunes flowing throughout the house. There’s always at least one brother in each frat who is a DJ for the local bars on the weekends but is a full-time DJ for their frat. With music funking, alcohol flowing and girls flirting this makes for the ultimate party experience… the frat house.

  1. That ONE drunk guy- the life of the party

There is always one guy who is way more lit than everyone else. This can go two ways, either he is passed out on a couch somewhere with Sharpie drawings all over his face or he is the loudest person in the room chugging more Skol. Because he needs that extra shot right?

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