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🐝 How To Interpret These Common Bumble Bios 🐝

July 31st, 2017

I hope you guys utilized my intel on Tinder bios or, at the very least, shared it with your buddies.

Today, I bring you an entirely different ball game. One of the greatest debates known to man stems from the age-old question; Is Bumble better than Tinder? Unfortunately, I’m not here to provide you with an answer (even though Tinder is obviously better). Instead, I’m here to provide you with a user-friendly guide on how to interpret these very common Bumble bios.

You’re welcome.

“I live to travel”:
Do weekend road-trips to Miami really count as traveling? Idk Bro, but beware of these girls. This is a tell-tale sign that she may just be in it for the money. Which, may not necessarily be such a bad thing, if you have the funds to entertain this chick. But, if your bank account looks anything like mine (what are commas?), don’t waste your time. If you don’t own a boat, you don’t have a chance.

“I’m always in the mood to eat”:
I know a girl who went an entire week only eating meals provided by guys she met on bumble. Seven days straight, breakfast, lunch and dinner; every single meal was paid for by her date. Girls are playas too, and half of you guys get played without even knowing it. You’re still waiting for her to text you back? My dude, it’s been four days, she’s already been on 12 other dates. Just give up.

If their bio is a memoir:
This chick most likely goes to a community college in the same town as your university. She forgot how to make friends because the only human interaction she’s had in the past 3-month is with her parents and the weekly back-and-forth e-mails with her algebra professor. Tread lightly. This is a hit or miss opportunity, meaning you will either meet up with a psychopath or a genuinely nice person.

“Love going to the beach”:
She’s literally just looking for a ride to the beach so she can take some quality Instagram photos. Are you an Uber driver? I didn’t think so.

“Just moved here; Looking for friends”:
There’s always one girl that is brutally honestly, and this isn’t really her. Sure, she’s bored from sitting at home all day because she just moved to your town two weeks ago and knows no one. But she didn’t download bumble just to make a couple new friends. Be a gentleman and take her out to lunch. Good things will follow.

Listen, I should be charging you guys for this. If this doesn’t improve your Bumble game, then you’re doing something wrong. If you need more clarification or come across more common Bumble bios, feel free to post them in the comment section.

Good luck bros!

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