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5 Things You’re Likely to Find in a Sorority House – a Guy’s Perspective

July 31st, 2017

  1. A Plethora of Monogrammed Backpacks

Watch your step when you enter one of these houses, for you will soon be ankle deep in a sea of Teal and Hot Pink monogrammed backpacks. Though it may look like a mess, don’t you worry, nobody will lose a thing! Mainly because everything short of a social security number is stitched onto one of these damn fine learning accessories. Most importantly, perhaps, are the sororities’ letters, which are essential for “repping” the sorority and, of course, to remind the girls that they are in fact in the correct house just in case they forget. How these backpacks are produced at such fast rates has remained a mystery among student bodies and college officials for years; however, we have it on good authority that residing in the basement of sorority houses all across the states is an 80-85-year-old alum sewing and popping those suckers out.

  1. Phone Chargers

No… this is not a Best Buy, this is a sorority house. In every outlet, you’ll find (next to some sort of juicer of course, because juicing totally works – you know – toxins and stuff.) is an iPhone charger. When you spot these chargers, there are two things I can promise you: (1) Someone has been looking for that iPhone charger for weeks, and (2) Someone in the house borrowed it because she couldn’t find hers fast enough, and her phone was going to die while she was talking to her long distance boyfriend in San Diego who happens to be having a really hard time at Weatherman School because he’s nearsighted and can’t read the teleprompter… but, he’s been doing better since he had a heart-to-heart with the local Starbucks barista who models on the side, and who also likes clouds and stuff, and, coincidentally, is in a long distance relationship as well, but they’re both just trying to find themselves. Basically it was an emergency, so it wasn’t stealing.

It becomes evident right off the bat that no one in a sorority house is willing to spend more than 6 dollars on a phone charger, nor will they travel to anywhere but a gas station to purchase one of these little life savers. One thing is for certain, these cords have the power… the power to create chaos among Fifty women in a house.

  1. White High-Top Converse

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At the foot of the front door you’re bound to find a row of beat-to-hell White Chuck Taylor’s. Congratulations ladies! You’ve found the one shoe with less arch support than a pair of stilettos. You’ll hear a faint squeaking every four to five seconds in the house. Don’t worry, it’s not a mouse… it’s just someone walking, then stopping, then walking again.

Why every sorority girl wants to wear the same shoes as a 1970’s NBA player is beyond me, but I digress.

  1. A Bowl of Fruit and Avocados

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Yeah… we’re not buying it. We’ve seen you kill five dollar foot-longs, bags of Stacie’s and left over burritos from the weekend, all before your 4-hour lab. It’s a nice illusion to walk into, but you’re not fooling us, we know that a sorority house isn’t an Equinox, despite the fact that everyone has on a tank top and yoga pants. Your chef knows the drill by now, fruits and veggies in plain view while Ben and Jerry get to hang in the way, way back of the freezer with the Digiorno’s and ANY’tizers. You’re human. You know it, and we know it.

  1. Fancy Water Bottles

Let’s face it, if you drink out of a cheap water bottle people are going to stare. On any counter of any sorority house you will likely find a pretty water bottle with the sorority’s nickname. Back in the day, plastic tumbler water bottles were all the rage… remember, you could run them over with your car and they’d be A-Okay? Not anymore. Now, you better ask for a gift card to Nordstrom’s for Christmas. Just as the saying goes, “You’re not really drinking water, unless someone is envious of you while you do it.”


Written by Jordan Mandel

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